Are you in an
abusive relationship?
You can turn this relationship around, but only if you are willing to change. You cannot change them, but you can change the dynamic. Are you ready?
- Requires a commitment of time, energy, and honesty.
- Requires a shift from "victim" to "target" (Rule One).
- Requires learning and applying the Miracle Principle.
Verbal Abuse Defense
RULE ONE: Replace Victim Words. Your power and your worth come from one place -- within.
Change begins with how you define yourself. If you want a different outcome, you must stop thinking and speaking like a victim.
You are not a victim, a survivor, or someone to be pitied. You are a target who can learn to stop being anyone's target.
Never refer to yourself as a "victim" again. You are a target or a winner -- and you are strong.
This is the first principle of the Respect Me Rules approach, and it changes everything. We show you how in the workbook.
The Core Book (Respect-Me Rules)
This is the foundation text. Emotional and verbal abuse often goes unnoticed (sometimes even by the person being abused) until it escalates. Respect-Me Rules teaches the Miracle Principle and the Respect-Me method so you can recognize the pattern, regain self-respect, and change what you can actually control: your responses, your boundaries, and your next actions.
No one is coming to rescue you. That is the bad news. The good news? You have a starting book and follow-up workbook so the rules become habits, not just something you agree with while reading.
Workbooks (Release: July 2026)
Two companion workbooks are scheduled for release in July 2026 and are designed to be used alongside Respect Me Rules. One workbook is for individual use (personal change, practice, and accountability). The other is a group workbook for those who want to start and run a Respect Me Rules self-help group.
The two workbooks are intentionally very similar so group participants can use the individual workbook while the facilitator uses the group format. If you want to be notified when the workbooks go live, send us an email.
What our Readers Tell Us
If you love yourself more, others love you more. Other people respect you as you respect yourself.
don't understand why this is such a secret. ~Anita Moorjani
Name withheld (from a psychologist), I am a psychologist myself (Phd in clinical). I am trained to be a therapist but am not a therapist (I do research), so what I am about to write is somewhat informed, but I am behaving as though I know nothing. For anyone reading My Story., I urge all of the targets to use the workshop this site offers and rehearse it often. This is the best one I've seen, since I believe their point of view is really important. .
Jilly writes, Thank you! I got the book Respect Me Rules, and it has been so very helpful. I plan to read it regularly to remind myself what to look for and how to respond. Thanks again.
Kathy T. writes Hello. I've come across your website and want to pursue your ideas on how to dodge being a target. I really like the distinction: target, not victim. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and my mom was a victim. I mean, really, a victim, and I learned how to be one, too. I am well-educated, a retired public affairs specialist, normally happy, and am fortunate to be healthy, too. So I'm not having to deal with limitations as far as leaving if I decide to do so. I've been married for 34 1/2 years. I love the guy but don't like him a good deal of the time lately. I have fallen into a funk. Even looking around things look monochromatic. So, it's time to learn some new ways of coping. Thank you for your help.
Laura C. writes, Please send me the tutorial. My therapist wanted me to check out and complete the tutorial. Thanks!!
Peggy: I found that your techniques to stop the abuse were great!
Kathleen, Fought back for years, so lots of ugly fights. Learning to not react, but it's slow. I understand and excuse, apologize and seek peace. Have worn waterproof mascara for years. I am a nurse,co-dependent, sick of the eggshell walking. Thank you, just now learning to have my own life. Makes him crazy! Learning I have been volunteering for this position, not hopelessly trapped.
Dan writes Hi, I was reading this article and realized I was doing this to my wife. I do not know how to communicate well mainly due to my child hood exposure to abuse and my dad didn't set a very good example. I was exposed to this early on in my marriage and didn't know how to handle it. I retaliated with likewise behavior. That didn't solve anything. I have been trying to analyze and understand what went wrong. Now I know and will use the principles to better my marriage. Thank you so much.
Lynn P from PA. My therapist recommended this site and I am looking forward to getting started with the tutorial. THANKS!